


Sense of Home

by Anonymous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Allergies, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Asthma, Bisexual James Potter, Chronic Illness, Demisexual Sirius Black, Desi James Potter, Eczema, Foreign Exchange Student Sirius Black, Friends to Lovers, Gay Remus Lupin, Irish sirius black, Literature, M/M, Mentionings of homophobia, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse, San Francisco Bay Area, Trauma, chronic skin condition, english major, history major
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: As Remus Lupin begins to chug through his first semester of grad school at San Francisco State University, his path crosses with Sirius Black, an Irish exchange student.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 104
Kudos: 157
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is so close to my heart, and I'm so glad I have the opportunity to share it.
> 
> Ana, thank you so much for being such a stellar beta!
> 
> And to my wife, thank you for providing endless Sirius™ inspiration. I love you so much 💕💕💕

The blaring horn of a ferry as it docked in the bay filled the salty air. A flock of seagulls buried themselves in the low hanging fog bank, adding to the chorus of hustle and bustle that filled the surrounding area of the San Francisco Ferry Building. Pale grey, late afternoon light fell on deep blue water lapping at the algae-covered dock legs with a gentle lull. In the not-too-far distance sat the silver Bay Bridge, its tunnel alight with the amber beams of cars piling up in rush hour traffic.

Remus Lupin, a lanky boy with light brown curls and a large nose, wove his way in between tourists and locals alike, adjusting his down vest along the way. A strong, frigid wind whipped the long sleeves of his flannel as he darted towards his destination, desperate for some semblance of warmth.

He found the bookstore, A Marauder’s Tale, at the back of the bustling Ferry Building. As he pulled the door open, a bell jingled.

The smell of worn leather and burning incense filled the stuffy air, grey light filtering in through the wide front windows and landing softly on the spines of books. Rows upon rows of bookcases stretched for as far as Remus could see, bar the back right corner, which held several shelves filled with miscellaneous knickknacks.

The store was only partially crowded, and Remus was able to quickly navigate his way towards the bookshelf labeled “Tragedy.” He gingerly combed over the delicate spines, some plated with loopy gold writing and others scrawled in inky print. It was on the third shelf down that he found what he was looking for.

Gently pulling out the book, he admired the front cover — the illustration of a man’s hand clutching a quill, draping long, sophisticated letters across a piece of parchment paper. He beamed at the book in his hands, quite pleased with having found it.

After milling about the congested isles of bookshelves for a while, taking in all of the literature he had yet to read, Remus wandered towards the cash register. There was a line of five people, and he obediently queued up behind the last person.

As Remus absently waited in line, he could hear the deep laugh of the person behind the cash register. He looked up, craning his long neck to see the person who the laugh belonged to.

There, he was able to spot a man with shaggy, shoulder-length black hair and an enamoring smile. A t-shirt with “The Clash” smeared across its chest hung loosely on his frame, and acid wash jeans tightly hugged his bottom half. Remus raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

Eventually, it was his turn. He wandered up, placing his book on the counter. The man, who’s name tag read “Sirius,” gave him a large grin. Remus felt his stomach do a flip under the stare of the man’s piercing grey eyes.

“Ah. ‘Doctor Faustus.’ A classic example of an evil protagonist,” Sirius said in a light, quick-paced rhythm. 

Remus was taken aback, realizing that he was most definitely not American. His accent was lyrical, although not particularly thick, making it difficult to place.

“Actually, I don’t think Faustus was evil,” Remus said bluntly.

Sirius knit his eyebrows together, crossing his arms. “The man sold his soul to Satan in exchange for the slavery of a demon and you’re telling me he wasn’t evil

Remus frowned. “Morally dubious — yes. Evil? No. I think he was scared, more than anything. His bold attitude and brown nosing was just his way of overcompensating for the fact that he was actually terrified of his own mortality.”

“Well,” Sirius said, huffing, “I hope you, at the very least, can agree that Mephastophilis was in love with Faustus.

“Oh, absolutely. Totally gay for one another,” Remus said, smirking.

A man behind Remus cleared his throat, suggesting that his conversation with Sirius was, indeed, holding up the line. Remus smiled sheepishly at the man before turning back to Sirius.

“Well, I suppose I should get going,” Remus said, his cheeks burning red.

“Right. Do you need a bag and do you want your receipt?” Sirius asked as he brushed his hair behind his ear, revealing a large, silver industrial piercing.

“Uh, no to both. Thanks, though,” Remus said, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

As he walked away, he heard Sirius shout after him, “have a nice day!”

Remus smiled to himself, exiting out of the bookstore and into the flow of the crowd. Artisan stalls lined the large space, as did cooking stores and ice cream parlors. He stopped at a sandwich place towards the front of the building, ordering a pesto and chicken on classic sourdough before pushing his way through the front doors and into the cold, stinging mist.

Seagulls cried into the thick fog as Remus began his stroll home, nibbling at his sandwich as he wove in between people on the congested sidewalk. He could hear the aggressive honking of a car horn in a sea of traffic and a siren wailing in the distance.

He made it back to his apartment, which resided in the Tenderloin, within thirty minutes. Turk Street wasn’t particularly impressive, and it was riddled with hard crime, but it was cheap living, and it was close to both the Ferry Building and Union Square.

The outside of his apartment building was stained with large, drooping tears of mildew clinging to the corners, and the powdery pink paint was peeling in sporadic clusters. He walked into the lobby of the building, checking his mail before winding his way up the stairs that led to the 5th floor. His door, which had a large 28 plastered crookedly below the peephole, was unlocked, and Remus shoved his way inside.

“Jamie! I’m home!” Remus yelled into the quiet apartment, setting his keys down on the kitchen counter.

“Just got home! I’ll be out in a sec!” James, Remus’ roommate and best friend, shouted from his bedroom.

Remus sighed, wandering into his room. Grey light filtered in through the windows, casting shadows onto the sallow walls. He put his heavy backpack down next to his bed with a thud and then began to strip, peeling layers of clothing off of his spindly body. His wavy, light brown hair was plastered to his forehead from the collection of mist in it, and he swept it back.

A burning, itching sensation flared on his kneecap, and he bent down to scratch it. The large, irritated patch of skin flaked as he ran his nails over it, drawing blood.

“Fuck,” Remus said, letting out a long breath of air as he picked up a perscription tube from his nightstand.

He perched on the edge of his bed, unscrewing the lid before squeezing a thick, greasy layer of gel onto his fingers. He applied it liberally to the raw, stinging patch of skin, wincing as it seeped into the dry layers. Both his eczema and asthma had been flaring as of late, the early autumn allergies settling into his body. Rubbing his eyes, which were burning from the dust in his room, he promptly decided that he would be taking an oatmeal bath after finishing his homework.

Once changed into a pair of breathable cotton pajamas, Remus wandered out to the living room. James was sitting on the stained, lumpy couch, running his hands through his thick, curly black hair. The iron light falling in through the windows washed out his sepia colored skin, shadows shrouding his face.  
“Hey, James,” Remus said, settling into the couch next to him with a sneeze.

“Hey. How was class?” James asked without looking up, biting the end of his pen as he stared at the open textbook in his lap.

Remus sighed. “Fine, fine. I’ve got a shit ton of homework for my Age of Chaucer class. How’s everything?”

“We’re two days into this semester and I’m already drowning in homework. Slughorn’s class is the one that’s getting to me, to be honest. He's having us work on probability ... You know how I fucking feel about probability.”

Remus gave a huff of laughter. “So, I guess grad school is turning out exactly how we expected it to.”

“God, you could say that again,” James groaned. “Hey, why don’t you and I do something this weekend? I’m going to need a break from staring at my textbook all day.”

“Sure, we could always catch a movie or somethi—" Remus felt his nose running, and he put his hand under it to catch any drips, “pass some kleenex, will you?”

“Here,” James said, handing him a box of tissues. “How’re your allergies and eczema today? Did you take Singular last night?”

“I may or may not have forgotten.”

“Dumbass,” James said, shoving him in the shoulder. “You’ve got to start remembering to take your allergy meds.”

“I know, I know.”

“Anyway, as far as this weekend goes, I was thinking about something more adult. What about Skates?” James asked, grinning.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “We’re two broke grad students. How in the hell are you suggesting we pay for a meal at Skates?”

“I’ve been hoarding my birthday money—”

“As in the birthday money from six months ago?”

“The very same. I have enough for us to split a dinner. What do you say?” James asked hopefully, pushing up his wire-rimmed glasses.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll go, but you better score us a table by the water.”

James patted Remus on the shoulder. “Will do, pal. Now go away, I’ve got shit to do.”

Remus got up, wished James good luck, and stalked back to his bedroom, sneezing along the way. It was going to be a long evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus stared at his reflection, a deep-set grimace plastered across his face as he observed his skin. The skin on his forehead and around his long, obnoxious nose was flaking. Upon further inspection, he realized that the same thing was happening along the parting in his hair — large flakes had woven themselves into his light brown curls. He groaned, realizing it looked like a bad case of dandruff, as opposed to eczema, who was the actual culprit.

He aggressively began to dust off the flakes of skin on his face. The skin around his nose was tough and raw, and layers of skin started to peel off in thin wafers. Realizing that he was having little to no success, he turned to the large bottle of Gold Bond lotion on the counter with a heavy sigh.

As he began to pump the cold lotion onto his dry hands, he heard James shout from the living room, “Remus! We need to go! Our reservation is at seven!”

“Be right there!” Remus shouted back, quickly applying a liberal amount of lotion on his face. It took him a few good minutes, but he was eventually able to work it into his skin. 

Once satisfied, he ran his hands through his hair, hoping to knock out any loose pieces of skin.

After giving himself one more look over, making sure that his bold patterned sweater and jeans were sitting nicely on his wiry frame, he exited the bathroom. He spotted James pacing by the door, keys in hand as he fidgeted with the hem of his polo shirt.

As soon as James spotted Remus, he broke into a wide grin. “You ready?”

“Yep.”

After walking to the underground parking lot attached to the apartment and climbing into James’ beat up Dodge Colt, they began their journey into the heavy flow of cars.  
If lucky, the drive from Turk Street to Skates, which was a high-end restaurant that sat over the bay in Berkeley, took twenty minutes. Remus and James were not so fortunate, getting caught in a downpour of Bay Area traffic. Remus wearily watched the clock on the dashboard, which read 6:37, as James honked the horn, yelling profanities out of the open window.

They made it to Skates with no time to spare, James peeling into the only parking spot available, which was at the opposite end of the lot. They dashed out of the car and into the low hanging mist, rushing towards the restaurant ahead of them. Amber lights from the interior of the building reflected off of the water lapping against the underbelly of the pier-like structure that Skates sat on.

James pushed the door in, ushering Remus inside. The smell of fresh seafood and hot bread filled the air, and Remus’ mouth began to water. A blonde woman in an attractive white blouse and black slacks appeared, a large smile on her face. Her name tag indicated that her name was Marlene.

“Hi, gentlemen. Reservation?” Marlene asked the two of them.

“Yes. Should be under James Potter,” James said.

“Ah, yes. Please, follow me,” Marlene instructed, leading them down the steps and into the main section of the restaurant. 

They were brought to a table for two that was pushed directly against the glass wall. Off in the distance, the sparkling lights of the city glowed against the fog bank that was resting on the crest of the bay.

“A server will be with you shortly,” Marlene said, handing them two menus before disappearing with a smile.

Remus opened the menu, peering at the overwhelming lists of entrees that ranged from sushi to steak. “Anything look good to you?”

James hummed. “Not going to lie, the seafood bucatini looks incredible.”

Remus found the dish under the list of mains, and he read the description. The meal consisted of dungeness and snow crab, as well as prawns and bottarga, in a garlic cream and clam broth with lemon zest.

“Oh god, that sounds amazing. Do we have enough for it, though? It costs $33,” Remus frowned, “and that doesn’t include drinks.”

James waved a hand dismissively in the air. “I’ve got plenty of birthday money. Hell, we could afford dessert if we wanted.”

Remus skeptically raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.”

“It’s true! Would I let you down, Remus?” James asked, smirking.

“I’m not even going to answer that.”

In the midst of their bickering, a waiter with short brown hair and bright eyes walked over with a pitcher of ice water, filling the two glasses on the table. “Good evening, gentlemen. My name is Martin and I’ll be your server this evening. What can I get started for you? Drinks, perhaps?”

“That would be great, thanks. I’d like a pomegranate martini,” James said.

Remus cleared his throat. “And I’ll get the same.”

“Excellent choice,” Martin said, “and are you still deciding on what food you’d like?”

Remus looked at James, who nodded encouragingly. “Actually, I think we’re set. We’d like to split the seafood bucatini.”

Martin grinned, taking their menus. “Ah, another fabulous choice. Alright, I’ll be back with your drinks shorly. Thank you, gentlemen.”

As soon as their water left, James took a large gulp of water, sighing with relief. “So, give me three words to describe your first week in the English masters program.”

Remus frowned. “Hellish, exhausting, and gay. You?”

James snorted into his water glass. “Fair enough. I think I’d say the stats program is intriguing, tedious, and annoying.”

Remus hummed in thought. “Why annoying?”

“Well, you know how Slughorn is having us do probability? I’ve got to admit, I’m one week in, and I’m already tired of predicting the probability of pulling a blue ball out of a bag,” James whined.

“I truly don’t envy you,” Remus laughed.

After several minutes of idle chatter, Martin brought their drinks, which were a glowing bright red. Remus and James lifted their glasses, bumping them together as they toasted to a new semester, as well as a new journey.

Just as Remus was taking a first sip of his drink, he spotted something familiar out of the corner of his eye. At the entrance to the restaurant was Sirius, his unmistakable black hair pulled back into a small, low-hanging ponytail. He and a chubby woman with deep red hair were chatting to Marlene, the hostess that had led them to their table. He watched   
Sirius laugh, an infectious smile spreading across his face.

“Yoo-hoo! Remus!” James said obnoxiously, waving a hand in front of Remus’ face.

Remus jumped, startled. “What?”

“What the hell are you looking at?” James pestered.

“Oh, just a guy I met at the Ferry Building last week. He works in the bookstore,” Remus explained, his eyes trained on Sirius.

James followed Remus’ line of eyesight, breaking into a grin when he spotted Sirius. “Ah. It must be the hot guy at the front. Not your usual type — more mine, if anything — but—”

Remus huffed, interrupting him. “And who says I like the guy?”

James raised both of his eyebrows. “You literally haven’t taken your eyes off of him since he came in.”

“Fuck off.”

James beamed, leaning back in his chair. “Oof, I’ve struck a nerve. You do like him! Come on, tell me.”

“Okay, okay. He’s nice looking, alright? Will you leave me alone now?” Remus sighed.

“Nah, there’s more to it than that. I’ve been your best friend since we were eighteen, Remus. That's seven years! I know how you get around someone you like,” James said.

“Jamie, I swear to God …”

“Hey, do you know who the redhead is with him? She’s gorgeous,” James said in a soft voice, his eyes watching the odd pair at the front of the restaurant.

Remus shook his head. “No clue.”

“Do you think they’re together?” James asked.

“No. I don’t think so. I got major queer vibes from the guy when I met him.”

As Sirius and the woman were led to a table at the opposite end of the restaurant, James said, “right. Next time you go to the bookstore, you’re bringing me along.”

Remus snorted. “There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m bringing you anywhere where you could potentially embarrass me.”

“Rude.”

The conversation eventually turned from the topic of Sirius and Lily to the topic of more mundane things, such as homework and professors. However, no matter how invested he was in the conversation, Remus couldn’t manage not to flick his eyes in Sirius’ direction every few seconds. Silently, he began to brainstorm when he could go to the bookstore next.


	3. Chapter 3

“Remus, would you quit it? You look fine! And your skin isn't flaking. You're just making it worse!”

Remus frowned at James as he nervously tugged at the hem of his sweater with one hand and rubbed the dry, brittle skin on his forehead with the other, the both of them dodging a family of German tourists as they turned onto Market Street. The Sunday morning air was crisp and cool, and the late September sun burned across a cloudless sky. Off in the distance, he could hear the stark sound of a ferry horn blaring against the gentle hustle and bustle of the city. Remus didn’t know which was worse - the fact that James knew he was nervous, despite having never admitted it, or the fact that they were seeking out A Marauder’s Tale after having seen Sirius and the mystery woman only last night.

“You do look great, though. If I weren’t so interested in the woman from last night, I’d snatch you up myself,” James joked, slinging his arm around Remus’ bony shoulders with a grin.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Fucker.”

James sighed, his tone suddenly turning serious. “You know you can talk to me about guys, right?”

“I know,” Remus blanched. “I just … I don’t know, Jamie. It’s easier to admit it in my head, I suppose.”

“Listen,” James said, assuming his lecturing voice, “it’s 1985, and we live in the middle of San Francisco - the queerest city in the entire fucking world, to be exact. You’ve been out for how many years now?”

“Six.”

“Exactly. Look, I know it’s not easy. Hell, I’m a bisexual guy who happens to be Indian - it’s certainly not easy. I just … I worry about you, Remus. You’re so closed off about your sexuality. I mean, I have to physically drag you to pride every year,” James sighed, pushing up his glasses. “And I’m not saying that I want you to immediately be this open and brutally honest person. I’m just saying that maybe it’s time to start thinking about being proud of who you are.”

Remus bit his lip in thought as they continued their stroll, towering skyscrapers looming above them. A cable car filled to the brim with people from out of town slowly chugged by, and Remus watched the passengers admire the city. His city. Despite having only moved to San Francisco at the start of his freshman year in college, he felt like it was home. It probably helped that he grew up in a small city called Vacaville, which sat only a little over fifty miles away. As a child, he and his mother had spent countless Saturday mornings driving to Vallejo, then taking the ferry from there into the city, always roaming with no particular destination in mind.

Market Street was relatively flat compared to the rest of the city, most of the streets sitting on steep, rolling hills. Remus would never not be thankful for that, since he made the trip from his Turk Street apartment to the Ferry Building frequently.

“So, do you actually plan to buy anything today? Or are you just planning on talking to Sirius?” James asked, and Remus immediately regretted having told him Sirius’ name, which sounded strange and cringey on his tongue.

Remus snorted. “First of all, I don’t even know if Sirius is working. Need I remind you that I’ve only talked with the guy once? And I’m actually hoping to get ‘A Collection of Lais’ by Marie de France. Her works are prime examples of just how horny people were in the 12th century.”

James nodded, smirking amusedly. “I’m sure Sirius will appreciate your choi-”

Before James could finish his sentence, Remus shoved him in the shoulder. Despite being embarrassed, he was snickering, as was James - both of their moods having improved drastically from when they first started out on their trek.

Eventually, the Ferry Building’s large clock tower came into view, the clock’s hands indicating that it was just before eleven. Within a few minutes, they were at the entrance to the Ferry Building, the thick smell of salt in the air.

The inside of the building was far more crowded than the last time Remus had been there, the stalls packed with various crowds eager to sample artisan cheeses, ice cream, and olive oils. He and James wove a path through the people, navigating their way towards the back end of the building.

A Marauder’s Tale sat tucked between Peet’s Coffee and Tea and Acme Bread Company, both of which smelled heavenly as Remus pushed open the door. There were a few young children milling about with their parents, but the rows upon rows of bookshelves were otherwise seemingly empty. James, apparently irritated at Remus’ slow pace, shoved him through the door frame and into the bookstore.

Scared of finding out if Sirius was working or not, Remus darted to the poetry section. The honey-colored morning light hit the spines of the books with delicacy, showcasing every bit of their personalities. His eyes gently combed over the titles, his sight wandering until he reached the top shelf. There, among titles by Robert Herrick and Andrew Marvell, sat the book he was searching for, “Lais of Marie de France,” published by Penguin Classics.

James came up behind him, perching his chin on Remus’ shoulder. “Ah, is this the kinky book you were talking about?”

“Horny, not kinky,” Remus corrected him, gingerly flipping through the pages, “and yes.”

“Remus heard a snort from behind him. “I’ve never heard of Marie de France, but I obviously have to read her now that I know that she’s both kinky and horny.”

Remus turned around to find Sirius grinning at him. Together, he and James said in unison, “just horny.”

“Ah, my bad. Well, do you lads need help finding anything?” Sirius asked, tucking his hair behind his ear. 

In the morning light, Remus could see a soft dusting of freckles covering the bridge of his sharp nose.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where are you from?” James asked, furrowing his brow in curiosity.

“What’s your name?” Sirius asked.

“James.”

“Well, James, I come from Ireland. Dublin, to be specific, although I technically hail from a small town that’s in County Kildare,” Sirius beamed, pointing to his name badge, which Remus now noticed had a miniature sticker of a clover stuck to it.

“What the hell are you doing in California?” Remus found himself asking.

Sirius let out a deep laugh. “I’m on an erasmus, what you Americans would call being a foreign exchange student. I’ve been going to San Francisco State since I was a freshman and I’ve just started my masters program.”

“Oh, nice. We just started our masters, too. What are you studying?” James asked.

“History. What are you guys doing?”

“He’s doing English,” James said, gesturing to Remus, “and I’m doing stats.”

“Ah, cool. And how are you liking them?” Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. “Fair enough. My course is pretty gay, which is always fun.”

“I wish stats was half as gay as English. The only thing exciting that happens is when this guy named Severus Snape tries to correct the professors. I swear, it happens every damn class,” James shook his head.

“Oh, I know Snape! I took a sign language class with him. God, he was such an eejit.”

“A … A what?” Remus asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Sirius snorted. “Sorry, Irish slang. It means idiot, basically.”

“Oh, then Snape is definitely an eejit,” James agreed enthusiastically. “By the way, did you happen to be at Skates last night?”

As soon as James asked the question, fear and embarrassment took hold of Remus, shoving themselves down his throat. He could feel his cheeks going warm, and he stuffed his free hand deep inside one of the pockets of his jeans.

Sirius blinked. “Yes? Why?”

“Well, Remus and I were there, too. He,” James said, gesturing to Remus, “spotted you.”

Sirius turned to Remus, whacking him gently on the arm. “Why didn’t you come say hi to me?”

Remus frowned. “Didn’t cross my mind that I could, to be honest.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I could’ve introduced you to my friend, Lily. She loves midieval gay literature. She works here during the eight to two shifts. I’m covering for her right now, actually. Had to take her cat to the vet.”

James swooned. “She has a cat! She has a cat, Remus! She’s gorgeous and she has a cat!”

Remus rolled his eyes, turning to Sirius. “He found himself a bit infatuated with her. Hasn’t shut up about her red hair since.”

Sirius snorted. “Well, I’d be happy to introduce you guys to her. Are you free on Wednesday night?”

Remus’ stomach lurched in anticipation. “Yes! I mean yes. We’re definitely available.”

James, who looked like he was about to wet himself with excitement, clasped Sirius’ shoulder. “You’re a good man.”

“Please, ignore him,” Remus said, shooting an annoyed look at James. “Where do you want to meet?”

“Why don’t you come to the apartment I rent with Lily? It’s 505 O'Farrell Street, apartment number 12.

“That’s just around the corner from the apartment that we share, which is on Turk Street, so that’s perfect,” Remus said.

“Great! Does seven work?”

“Yep. Well, I wish we could stay, but I have to go pay before we head back home for a day of homework,” Remus said, holding up his book.

“Right. Well, see you guys later,” Sirius said.

“Bye.”

Just as he and James had walked a few steps, Remus heard Sirius call after him. He turned around, confused.

Sirius walked up to him, smiling. “I like your jumper, by the way.”

“You mean my sweater?” Remus asked, smirking.

“Nope, jumper.”

“Sweater.”

Sirius let out a huff of what seemed to be a cross between irritation and amusement, throwing his hands in the air. “Why sweater? Why are you sweating?”

Remus shrugged. “Why are you jumping?”

Sirius very discreetly flipped him off. Remus waved to him with a grin and headed towards the cash register, a warm feeling settling into his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: coming out and discussion of homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Sirius is based off my wife (I'm sure most of you know this by now). She came out in her 6th year and was essentially kicked out her house. She moved across the world, to a tiny city in Northern California, just to be with me. I'm an only child, and my wife is treated by my parents as though she's their kid. They have such a tight bond, and it makes me so happy to see <3

Two days later, Remus wandered out of the English and literature building, making his way towards the Cesar Chavez Student Center. There, on the plaza level, was his favorite cafe on campus, a place called Potions and Bites.

The mid-afternoon air was thick and wet, fog rolling in over the hills of the city as Remus crossed a patch of grass waterlogged with dew. Condensation soaked into the hem of his cuffed jeans. He rolled down the long sleeves of his yellow collared shirt, which had a bold pattern of pink and turquoise squares on it, and silently cursed himself for forgetting his jacket at home. Clusters of students milled about, sauntering to their next classes. Narrowly avoiding a student on a neon-colored skateboard, Remus quickly checked his wrist watch. He had ninety minutes until he had to be back at the English building for his Shakespeare class. Picking up his pace, he hurried to the cafe.

The warm relief of the cafe was immediate as he stepped through the door. It was crowded. He scanned the room as he entered the long line of students waiting to place their orders. He couldn’t spy a single available table and he let out a long huff of irritated air. Just his luck.

When he reached the front of the line, he ordered a toasted bagel with extra butter and a cup of Earl Grey tea. After a few minutes of standing around, his name was called. He picked up his lunch and then began to weave his way around the tables, searching desperately for a place to sit.

“Remus!”

He turned in the direction of the voice and saw Sirius waving him over from a table next to the glass wall, grey light falling over him. Remus grinned, letting out a sigh of relief as he walked over to him.

“Hey,” Remus said, sitting down across from Sirius, who was wearing a purple graphic t-shirt with a cartoon record player on it.

“Hiya,” Sirius greeted him, pouring a packet of sugar into his steaming cup of coffee.

“Aren’t the Irish supposed to drink tea instead of coffee?” Remus asked quizzically, staring at Sirius.

“Feck off. I hate tea. You should talk to my granny, though. She has a cup with every meal, including dinner. It’s hideous,” Sirius said, shaking his head.

Remus wrinkled his nose. “Tea with dinner? No thanks.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Remus cleared his throat. “Thanks for waving me over, by the way. It’s fucking packed in here.”  
“Sure, no bother. Are you in between classes?” Sirius asked.

Remus nodded, taking a bite of his bagel. “Yeah. I just came from my Age of Wit class and I’ve got my Shakespeare class in an hour and a half. You?”

“Nah, I’m done for the day. Just grabbing a quick lunch before I head over to A Marauder’s Tale. I’ve got a shift tonight,” Sirius explained.

“Nice. How are you finding your classes?” Remus inquired.

“Oh, they’re grand. I’m especially liking Hellenistic Greece class, although I’m already familiar with most of the material. I took classics in secondary school and it was one of the subjects I did for my leaving cert.”

Remus paused. “Leaving cert?”

Sirius let out a small laugh. “Sorry, forgot you wouldn’t know what the LC is. It’s basically our equivalent of the SAT, as it’s what gets you into college. We take it after graduating 6th year, which is our senior year. It takes about two and a half weeks and each exam is a couple hours long. It runs on a points system. The highest you can get is 625 points. You can only get those extra twenty-five points if you take higher level maths, though, which I didn’t. All of my other subjects were higher level, though. Let me tell you, higher level Irish is no fucking joke.”

“I thought it was Gaelic?” Remus asked, mildly confused.

Sirius muttered something under his breath. “No. It’s Irish, not Gaelic, or whatever the bloody hell Americans think it is we speak.”

Remus blanched. “Oh. Sorry.”

Sirius waved a hand dismissively in the air. “Oh, don’t be. It’s not you. The world doesn’t seem particularly keen on educating themselves on Ireland. Most people I’ve run into here think that Ireland is in the UK, which, let’s be very clear, it’s not. Well, the Republic isn’t, anyway. We’ve had a thing with the English for over 800 years and they refuse to give us back the North. Anyway, sorry for rambling. It’s just … Well, let’s just say it’s something I’m very passionate about.”

Remus offered him a small smile. “Don’t be. I mean, now that I think about it, I hardly know anything about Ireland.”

Sirius took a long sip of coffee. “How about you and I make a deal? You give me book recommendations and I teach you about Ireland.”

“It’s a deal,” Remus beamed.

“Good. Oh, by the way, everything is all set for you and James to come over tomorrow. I told Lily about James, but she’s pretty skeptical. Her last relationship didn’t exactly work out,” Sirius said, frowning.

“God, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I know James will go at her pace.”

“Yeah, he seems like a decent lad. Also, is he queer? He definitely gives me queer vibes,” Sirius said.

Remus snorted into his tea. “Yeah, he’s bi. Are … Are you queer?”

“Considering I didn’t bat an eye when you told me how gay your English program is, the answer is yes. I’m demisexual and homoromantic. What about you?” Sirius asked.

“Ah, nice. I’m gay. Are you openly out?” Remus prodded, a warmth spreading to his chest. He had definitely wondered if Sirius was queer in some way, but it was nice to have it be confirmed.

“Yeah. That’s actually one of the reasons why I came to the States to study. I came out in 6th year and my parents basically kicked me out. Let’s just say that my ‘lifestyle’ didn’t exactly live up to their Catholic expectations,” Sirius said, shrugging.

“Fuck,” Remus muttered, running a hand nervously through his hair. “I’m so sorry. Are you planning on going back after you finish school, or are you thinking of staying here?”

“Ah sure, it’s grand. Not my fault that they can’t see beyond their homophobia. And yeah, I’m definitely going to do whatever it takes to stay here. As much as I love my country, I can’t go back,” Sirius said softly, averting his eyes.

Remus offered him a sad smile. “Well, I’m glad you’re going to be staying here.”

Sirius smiled back, the mood between them lifting significantly. “Me too. By the way, are you out?”

“Yeah. I came out when I was nineteen. I’m from just outside of the Bay Area, so I grew up in a pretty liberal household. My parents are really cool with it,” Remus explained.

Sirius snorted. “Can your parents adopt me, please?”

“Sure,” Remus said in all seriousness. “They’d be happy to meet you, to be honest. They’ve already added James to their list of biologically unrelated queer children.”

Sirius quirked his head. “Really?”

“Really. How about we plan a trip home sometime soon? My mom’s been nagging me to visit, anyway,” Remus said.

A wide smile spread across Sirius’ face. “I'd love that.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole accent bit is based off of my wife! She only moved to CA from Ireland two years ago, but most people don't know that she's not American due to how she sounds. She gets a lot of rude and sarcastic comments about not sounding like where she's from. Her loss of accent is something that really upsets her, especially because she has nothing else from home with her💜

At a quarter to seven, Remus and James began their short walk to 505 O'Farrell Street. The evening was bright and clear, the crisp orange glow of the sun melting into the horizon. Off in the distance burned the white dots of traffic on the Bay Bridge, everyone waiting impatiently to go home after a long day of work in the city.

“Remus, man, I’m so fucking nervous,” James whined, anxiously cleaning his glasses.

Remus slung an arm around him in an attempt to offer comfort. “Listen, it’s going to be alright. You’re just going to take it slow and get to know Lily. That’s all this is.”

“What if she doesn’t like me, though? What if my sweater is too much for her?” James sighed.

Remus gave him a once over, his eyes lingering on the bergati white, blue, yellow, lime green, and black sweater that hung limply over his stocky frame. Thankfully, Remus had been able to talk him out of wearing his acid wash skinny jeans.

“You’ll be fine. I promise,” Remus said, grinning.

“Thanks, Rem,” James said, ruffling his hair. “By the way, you look great.”

Remus looked down at his own outfit, which consisted of a green, red, and blue tundra sweater and tight jeans. “Thanks, buddy.”

They were easily able to locate Sirius and Lily’s apartment, which looked only slightly more put together than the one that Remus and James shared. After entering the lobby, they found number twelve on the dingy second floor. Remus pushed James forward, refusing to be the one to knock. Scowling at Remus, James took a deep breath before letting his knuckles meet the thin wood of the door.

Lily opened the door, her deep red hair hanging in waves down to her shoulder. She was plump, her white t-shirt that was tucked into high-waisted jeans clung to her rounded stomach and wide hips. Her smile was big and bright, and Remus could see why James was infatuated by her. She was beautiful.

“Hey. I’m Lily, and you must be Remus and James. Come on in,” Lily greeted them, ushering them both inside. A black cat with a bandaged paw scurried across the floor, making its way out of sight.

The apartment was no larger than their own. To the left was a small kitchen and straight ahead was the living room. Sirius rounded the corner on the right, coming from what must have been the direction of the bedroom. His black hair was pulled back into a knot on the top of his head, wisps of loose strands curling around his face and at the nape of his neck. As Remus stared at him, admiring his The Who concert t-shirt and ripped skinny jeans, he could feel his heartbeat begin to pick up pace.

“Hey,” Sirius said, grinning as he pulled Remus into a tight hug. 

James, who was behind Sirius, was giving Remus an encouraging thumbs up. Remus’ eyes widened in response, a hot blush creeping up his neck. Sirius pulled back from the hug, turning to say hello to James. 

While they greeted each other, Lily walked over to Remus. 

“So,” Lily began, “is James always this dorky?”

Remus snorted. “Oh, most definitely.”

“Great,” she deadpanned, although there was a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

“Right, everyone. What can I get you all to drink? I’ve got water, coke, hard lemonade, and shamefully cheap wine,” Sirius said, heading towards the kitchen.

“Wine,” Lily said.

“Me too,” James grinned, and Remus rolled his eyes at his friend’s enthusiasm.

Sirius turned to Remus. “What about you, Remus? I’m sticking with water since I’ll have to pick up the takeout, but I can vouch for the hard lemonade.”

Remus shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll give the lemonade a go. Want help with the drinks?”

Sirius nodded. “Sure. James, Lily, you can both head to the couch if you want. We’ve got the drinks covered.”

James and Lily, who were making small talk, sat on the couch while Remus joined Sirius in the kitchen. The fridge was covered in polaroid photographs, documenting years of Sirius and Lily’s friendship. A particular photo stood out to him. Sirius mustn't have been older than twenty. His hair was much shorter, and a toothy grin spread across his face as he pointed to the Golden Gate Bridge in the background. Remus smiled to himself.

“That was a good day,” Sirius said, startling Remus.

“It’s a nice picture of you,” Remus said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Thanks.”

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Why isn’t your accent very thick? It’s like I can only sometimes pick up that you’re not American, and it just … Well, it got me thinking,” Remus rambled, fidgeting with the hem of his sweater.

Sirius sighed, pulling down two wine glasses from the cupboard to the left of the oven. “My accent was really one of the first things to go when I moved here. I don’t know why, but it didn’t stick. It honestly breaks my heart because my accent is the one thing from Ireland that I was able to physically bring with me. But, without it, I’m just like any other white American. You know, I’m so fucking proud to be Irish. It’s this incredible country that no one knows the history about, and I love it with every fiber of my being. And the thing is that you’re not the first person to bring up my accent, or lack thereof. Whenever I tell someone I’m Irish, they’re always surprised. It’s almost like … Like I’ve lost the validity of my identity.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize,” Remus said, swallowing thickly. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be.”

“Thanks, Remus,” Sirius said, sadness dripping from his voice. “It’s tough. I remember the day you first came into the bookstore, I had been trying to put a conscious effort into getting my accent back, but you can see how well that worked out.”

“I’ve been wondering why your accent sounded so much thicker then,” Remus said, nodding as the pieces clicked together.

“Yeah. I’ll practice my accent for days at a time, but it never stays permanently,” Sirius added, filling his glass of water from the tap.

“God, I’m so sorry,” Remus murmured, not knowing what else to say. 

He could feel a tickle in the back of his throat, and he silently cursed himself for having forgotten to take his allergy medication.

“Sure, it’s grand. What can you do?” Sirius asked, waving a hand dismissively in the air. 

Remus got the hint that he wanted to be done with the conversation, so he moved onto something else.

“So, what are we having for dinner?” he asked as Sirius handed him his bottle of hard lemonade.

“Not sure yet. Come on, let’s go sit on the couch,” Sirius said, carrying his water and a glass of wine. Remus picked up the other glass of wine and followed him into the living room, where James and Lily were deeply immersed in conversation.

“So, where does your older sister live, then?” James was in the midst of asking. 

Remus plopped down next to him. Sirius sat next to Lily, who took her glass of wine with gratitude.

“Fucking Bakersfield, of all places. Her husband, Vernon, is a correctional officer at a juvenile facility down there. He’s an absolute asshole,” Lily sighed.

“Ah. Talking about shitty families, are we?” Sirius asked with far too much enthusiasm.

“Yes, namely mine. James, do you like your family?” Lily asked.

James, who had been dreamily staring at her, snapped back to reality. “Oh, yeah. Uh, I actually really love my family. They live in Pennsylvania, though, so Remus’ parents have sort of adopted me as their own.”

“Oh, nice. So Remus, Sirius tells me you’ve lived in the Bay Area your whole life,” Lily said, crossing her legs.

“Uh, technically just outside of the Bay Area, but yeah. I’m from Vacaville,” Remus stuttered, not expecting to be put on the spot.

“Cool! I grew up in Woodland,” Lily beamed.

“Oh, neat. You didn’t grow up too far from the city, then?” Remus asked, nursing his lemonade.

“Nah. It’s not too far of a drive,” Lily shrugged.

Right as Remus was about to respond, he could feel a sneeze forming in the back of his throat, which had suddenly become very itchy. Without warning, he sneezed three times. 

Sirius handed him a box of cheap tissues, which he took thankfully.

Continuing to sporadically sneeze for the duration of the conversation, the eczema around Remus' nostrils and under his nose quickly became irritated from the continuous wiping with the tissue. Eventually, after thirty minutes of nonstop sneezing and coughing, James turned to him.

“Are you alright, buddy? Your eyes are a bit swollen,” James said, concern crossing his face.

Remus sneezed into another tissue. “M’fine.”

James looked to Sirius and Lily, who were also beginning to look a little worried. “You don’t happen to have an air purifier here, do you?”

Sirius shook his head. “No, we don’t. Why?”

James stood up, walking over to Remus. “He has really bad allergies, and they can be set off with, like, the smallest amounts of dust or pollen. Remus, I think we should get you home.”

Feeling too sick to argue, Remus let James help him up. He could feel his throat tightening slightly, and he knew he would need to use his inhaler when he got home.

Just as James began to lead him out of the apartment door, Sirius shouted after him, “James, call me later to let me know how things are.”

“Will do,” James said, closing the door behind them.

The trudge back to their own apartment was long and tedious, Remus’ raw nose protesting with every use of tissue. After sneezing for the fifth time, James looked at him, his face hard.

“You didn’t take your medicine today, did you?” he asked crossly.

Remus gave him a sheepish look. “May or may not have forgotten.”

“God, Remus! You can’t keep doing that. What happens if your allergies and asthma all begin to act up when I’m not around? And what if I'm not there to remind you to put on your eczema lotion? I’m not always going to be able to help you like this, and I need to trust that you can do it on your own.”

“Sorry,” Remus coughed.

After arriving at their apartment, James led Remus to his room. There, he was able to take his inhaler, breathing the medication deep into his lungs. After two puffs, his throat began to feel slightly less agitated. As soon as he felt comfortable enough to swallow properly, James gave him fifty milligrams of Benadryl, along with his nighttime medication.

“I take it you haven’t put on your lotion today, either?” James asked, arching an eyebrow.

Remus shook his head.

“Right. I’ll let you do that, and then I expect you to change into your cotton pajamas. Throw the clothes you’re wearing out into the hall and I’ll give them a wash,” James instructed, beginning to head out of the room.

“Wait, where are you going?” Remus asked, scooching forward on the edge of his bed.

James turned to him, crossing his arms. “I’m going to go call Sirius and Lily to let them know that you’re fine.”

Then, without another word, James stalked out of his room. Remus, feeling defeated and slightly drugged from Benadryl, began to gingerly strip off his clothing. Once done, he chucked his clothing into a pile in the hallway before returning to his bed. He messily rubbed clumps of lotion from a bottle that he kept on his nightstand onto the raw, itchy, burning patches of skin on his knee, elbows, and face. The effect was immediate, a cooling sensation sinking into his skin. Feeling too tired to put his pajamas on, he crawled under the heavy duvet, sighing heavily as his head hit the pillow.

His last thought before falling asleep was of Sirius hugging him.


	6. Chapter 6

The following morning, Remus woke with a start. Hazy golden light flooded into his room, casting honey-colored shadows on the walls. Outside, the loud vibrations of the city humming to life coursed through the cool air. He rolled over, blinking blearily at the alarm clock next to his bed. Ten o’clock. James would already be at his first class of the morning. Groaning, he flopped back onto his pillow, staring blankly at the ceiling.

His throat was still slightly sore from the allergy and asthma attack he'd had the previous night. The more he thought about it, the more he felt completely and utterly embarrassed about the entire situation. It was even harder swallowing the fact that it was, indeed, his fault. He was the one who was responsible for fucking up what was supposed to be an amazing night.

The landline attached to a wall in the kitchen rang, piercing the silence that filled the apartment. Remus let out a huff of irritated air as he slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. By the third ring, he was wandering out of his bedroom and into the hall. He got to the phone just as it was about to stop ringing and picked it up.

“Hello?” Remus asked, stifling a yawn.

“Remus! Are you okay?”

Remus blanched at Sirius’ voice on the other end of the line and cleared his throat. “Oh. Hey. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Remus. Really, how are you?” Sirius asked.

Remus sighed, leaning against the wall. “I’m alright. Tired mostly and my throat is kind of sore. Did … Did James tell you what’s wrong with me?”

“He said that you have pretty bad asthma and allergies, as well as eczema, but he didn’t go into any further detail,” Sirius explained.

“Fuck,” Remus muttered, silently cursing James.

“Remus?” Sirius asked, concern in his voice.

“Yeah, sorry. I just … I really didn’t want you or Lily to find out about my health issues,” Remus said reluctantly.

“But we’re your friends and friends take care of each other. I couldn’t give two shites if you have health issues or not, just as long as you’re taking care of yourself,” Sirius said.

“Thanks, Sirius,” Remus said reluctantly.

“Hey, are you going to your classes today?” Sirius asked.

Remus knit his brows together as he played with the phone cord. “Not sure. Why?”

“Well,” Sirius began, excitement edging into his voice, “in that case, I’ll be over at your apartment in thirty minutes.”

“Wait, what?” Remus said, panicking as he looked down at his very naked body.

“See you then!”

“Wait, Siriu—”

The call clicked off. Remus stared in disbelief at the phone before hanging it up. Then, it hit him. Sirius was arriving in thirty minutes.

“Shit,” Remus muttered to himself as he hurried back to his bedroom. 

He picked up a pair of high-waisted jeans from the floor, sniffing the crotch before deeming them perfectly acceptable. He set them down on his bed before pulling on a pair of underwear and layering a thick coat of deodorant on his underarms.

Within a matter of minutes, he had managed to dress himself in his jeans, a short-sleeved collared shirt that had a red, blue, and gold geometric pattern, and a jean jacket. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he paused as he looked at his right foot. The second toe was in bad shape, layers of thin, fragile skin were peeling off, leaving nothing but a raw, bloody mess. Remus took a moment to scratch the itch that had been burning there since he had woken up. When he was done, blood and dead skin had collected underneath his fingernails. He groaned, pulling socks on before heading to the bathroom.

There, he carefully washed his hands, making sure to get rid of any evidence of old skin and blood. Once done, he stared at his reflection. His light brown hair curled in waves, falling messily over his forehead, and his hazel eyes were still slightly puffy from the allergic reaction. He sighed in disappointment, straightening his collar. He didn’t know which he wanted more, to be Sirius or to be in Sirius.

He waited for the remainder of the thirty minutes in the living room, perching anxiously on the edge of the couch. As soon as he heard a knock, he leapt up and sped to the door, opening it with a large exhale.

Standing there was Sirius, a bright grin spreading across his face. He was wearing a loose white cotton t-shirt with a rainbow stripe across the chest and a heavy leather jacket. He had put his hair in a low-hanging ponytail, small wisps of curls falling around his face.

“Hiya,” Sirius said cheerfully, inviting himself into the apartment. 

Remus barely remembered to keep his jaw from falling to the floor as he closed the door. Sirius looked good. Really good.

“H-hey. Can I get you anything? Coffee?” Remus asked.

“No, but thanks. I do have a very important question for you, though. How are you feeling?” Sirius asked.

Remus, startled at the question, frowned. “Didn’t I answer this question on the phone?”

“Alright, you’ve got a point. I’ll rephrase. Do you feel well enough to skip classes and go on an adventure with me today?” Sirius said, smirking.

Remus raised his eyebrows, a smile creeping across his face. “An adventure? What kind of adventure?”

“A fun one,” Sirius said.

“Right. I, uh, yeah. I guess I feel well enough. Do I get to know where we’re going?” Remus inquired.

“Nope.”

Remus sighed. “Alright. Well, I just need to get my backpack and then we can go.”

“Cool.”

Remus hurried back to his bedroom, quickly throwing on a pair of converse before dumping the academic contents of his backpack onto his bed. Hastily, he chucked his wallet, sunglasses, keys, tissues, lotion, and inhaler into his bag.

“Alright. Ready?” Remus asked, walking back into the living room.

Sirius, who was milling by the door, grinned at him. “Yep.”

After he scrawled a note to James saying that he and Sirius were going on an adventure and he wasn't sure when he was going to be back, , they headed out of the apartment, winding their way down the stairs and into the morning light.

The air was crisp and light, a strong gust of frigid wind occasionally rolling over them as they turned left down Turk Street. Sirius walked with determination, and Remus trailed behind, figuring he knew where he was going. Sirius came to a halt in front of an apartment complex two buildings down.

“Well?” Remus asked, looking around.

“Well, what?” Sirius asked, confused.

“What are we doing?” Remus asked.

“Oh, right. Well,” Sirius said, walking towards the curb, “we’re about to get on our ride.”

Remus suddenly realized what Sirius was talking about. There, in a parking space that lined the street, was a vintage, powder blue motorcycle. Two helmets sat in a roomy sidecar attached to the right side, making the thing look even bigger at a second glance. Remus watched as Sirius patted the seat fondly.

“Is … Is that yours?” Remus asked, gesturing to the motorcycle.

Sirius nodded. “Yep. And we’re about to ride in it.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Okay,” Remus mumbled, limply taking the helmet that Sirius handed him.

“Okay, Remus. Get settled into the sidecar,” Sirius instructed him.

Remus took a seat in the sidecar, strapping his helmet on as tightly as possible. He settled his backpack down at his feet, which were tapping nervously against the floor. Sirius slid onto the main seat, putting his own helmet on.

“You ready?” Sirius asked.

Remus couldn’t manage to find his voice, so he nodded.

“Hang on!”  
The motorcycle roared to life and Sirius carefully guided it into the heavy stream of traffic.They turned down Eddy Street, run-down apartments passing by in a blur, before taking a right onto Hyde Street. Remus gripped the handlebar, his knuckles turning white with anxiety.

Behind him, Remus could hear the sound of a cable car running down the line. As they waited at a red light, Sirius turned to him.

“Doing okay?” he asked, shouting over the rumble of the motor.

“Just peachy,” Remus screamed back, swallowing his nerves.

The light turned green and they sped off once again. As they rode further down along Hyde Street, Remus could begin to make out the shimmering blue bay in the distance, sitting behind a nestle of hills. It wasn’t until they turned onto Bay Street that Remus guessed where they were going.

“Are we going to Ghirardelli?” Remus shouted.

“Don’t steal my fucking thunder, Remus!” Sirius yelled back.

They pulled into a parking spot on the steep hill where Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory sat, looking out over the bay. As soon as Sirius killed the motor, Remus let out a long sigh of relief. He unbuckled his hamlet as he stood up, grinning at the lit up Ghirardelli sign that blinked golden against the pale blue sky.

“Good surprise?” Sirius asked, popping a few quarters into the parking meter. 

Remus dropped his helmet into the sidecar with a wide smile.

“It’s a perfect surprise,” Remus said softly, and he meant it.

They wandered into Ghirardelli Square, which was built largely out of brick and held only a few other stores. At the main entrance, however, was what they had come for. The rich smell of chocolate wafted out the front door. 

Sirius turned to Remus. “Ready to eat as much chocolate as possible?”

“I was born ready.”

Sirius picked up a paper menu from where the back of the line started and Remus peered over his shoulder to read it. There were a few fancy sundaes available but only one stood out to Remus — their world famous hot fudge sundae, which came with vanilla ice cream, homemade hot fudge, whipped cream, chopped nuts, and a cherry.

He pointed to the picture of the sundae on the menu. “I’m getting that.”

“Oh, God. That does look good. I think I’ll get it, too,” Sirius concluded.

The line moved fairly quickly and they both placed their orders with eagerness. The person at the cash register gave them a metal stand that held a laminated card with the number “87” printed on it. After splitting the bill, the two of them wandered further into the factory, finding an empty table near a machine that sat behind a clear pane of glass, churning rich, velvety chocolate. Remus and Sirius sat across from one another, grinning.

“So, are you glad you skipped classes today?” Sirius asked.

“Definitely. What made you want to bring me here?” Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. “You seem like the type of person who likes chocolate.”

“Well, you guessed correctly.”

Their sundaes arrived shortly, Remus’ mouth watering as a waitress placed his sundae in front of him. The glass that held the sundae was hot to the touch from the fudge and Remus quickly picked up his spoon. He could see that Sirius was doing the same, both of them simply waiting for the waitress to go so they could dig in.

As soon as the waitress left, Remus spooned a large amount of ice cream, fudge, and whipped cream into his mouth. He groaned, rolling his eyes at how good it was. Ghirardelli was one of his favorite spots in the city, and it somehow seemed even better with Sirius, who was also thoroughly enjoying his sundae, sitting across from him.

“God, this is amazing,” Sirius said through a mouthful of whipped cream.

Remus nodded. “Thank you for taking me here.”

Sirius grinned. “No problem. Now, I have a question. What book should I read next?”

Remus set his spoon down. “Huh. Well, what do you like?”

“Oh, I like action, I suppose. Romance, adventure, knights … I like those,” Sirius answered.

“Right. Well, have you read ‘The Princess Bride?’ Remus asked.

“No, I haven’t. It’s critically acclaimed, though, isn’t it?” Sirius asked.

Remus nodded. “Yeah, it’s pretty famous. I would definitely give that a go. It’s one of my favorite books, to be honest.”

“Will do,” Sirius beamed. “By the way, have you and James ever dated?”

Remus choked slightly on his ice cream. “Ewe. God, no. Why?”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious that he’s really protective of you. When I saw him reacting to you taking ill last night, well … I didn’t know if that was purely friendship related, or if it went beyond that, and I figured I should ask,” Sirius said.

“Ah. We’re just best friends and there’s never been anything more between us,” Remus said.

“Oh. Right. I mean, I know he really fancies Lily, so that makes sense. Do … Do you fancy anyone?” Sirius asked, avoiding eye contact.

Remus swallowed thickly. “Me? What? No. I don’t like anyone. Not now, that is. You?”

“Yep. Same. No one.”

Remus cleared his throat. “Have you ever dated anyone?”

Sirius leaned back in his seat, letting out a soft sigh. “Yeah. I was with a guy back in Ireland for a few months when I was seventeen. I didn't know I was demisexual at the time, though. We were friends with benefits but all that meant was kissing and touching, no sex. I could never understand why I was so uncomfortable with the entire situation. I felt broken in a lot of ways. Anyway, he was awful to me, always making me feel like complete and utter shite. I began to pull away from him but he broke up with me before I could break up with him. What about you?”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Remus said, frowning. “And no, I’ve never dated anyone. I know it’s kind of pathetic considering the fact that I’m in my mid-twenties. I guess my attention has always just been … Elsewhere.”

Remus and Sirius looked at each other, both of them offering small smiles. However, Remus couldn’t help but shake the feeling that something had happened between them.

"So, since I gave you a book recommendation, why don't you tell me a little something about Ireland?" Remus asked, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. Sure. Of course. So, fun fact, all of the major cities in Ireland were built by vikings."

"Really?"

"Yep! That's actually where we get the name 'Dublin.' The vikings called it 'Dubhlinn.'"

"Huh. So, do a lot of people have Scandinavian heritage?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, a lot of us do. We also have quite a few people who have Spanish heritage, most of which stemmed from the Spanish Armada of 1588. As you know, Spain has always been a huge Catholic country. Basically, what happened is that Spain wanted to invade England, which was Protestant. Ireland, being Catholic, made an agreement with Spain to help them. We let the Spanish come onto our land and dock along the South, and we gave them all of the resources they needed in order to get to England. The funny thing is, you can still see the Spanish heritage in a lot of people in the South, particularly in Munster, despite almost 400 years having gone by. Many people from the South are tanner, and quite a few of them have dark, coarser hair," Sirius explained.

"Right. So, are you Spanish at all?" Remus asked.

"Nah. I'm 100% Irish on my dad's side. My mom's side is more interesting, I guess. My granddad, so her dad, was actually born and raised in a part of India that is now Pakistan. His family was rich, though, and they were also upper class because they had European heritage. Basically, they were whiter than the average population. My granddad moved to England when he was in his early twenties and he had the absolute shock of his life. He was used to being above people in India, but in England, all anyone cared about was his dark skin tone. Anyway, he met my granny, who was from Ireland, there, and then they had my mom. So, yeah. Ta-da! That's my family history," Sirius concluded, doing jazz-hands.

"Wow," Remus laughed. "Well, thank you for the fun Irish facts and a little bit of your background. I liked hearing both."

Sirius grinned. "I've had a really nice time, Remus."

Remus smiled back. "Me too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: brief mention of racism in literature

“Jamie, do you really need to bring that much yarn with you?”

James, who was lugging a large duffel bag full of yarn and knitting gadgets, stopped by the front door of their apartment. “I promised Hope I would show her all of the yarn I’ve bought since seeing her last!”

Remus sighed. “I regret her teaching you how to knit.”

James slung his arm around Remus’ shoulder, grinning. “If I couldn’t knit, you wouldn’t have so many fabulous sweaters to wear. Now, when are Lily and Sirius getting here?”

“Should be here any minute,” Remus said, checking his watch.

Right on cue, there was a knock on the front door. James opened it, and Lily and Sirius greeted him with broad smiles. He ushered the two of them in, and Remus was immediately pulled in for a tight hug by Lily.

“Thanks for inviting us,” Lily said, pulling back from the hug.

“No problem. I promised Sirius I would introduce him to my parents, so …” Remus trailed off, shrugging.

Sirius, who had just finished saying hello to James, wandered over. “We’re both really excited, even if Lily is just coming along for the craic.”

“Craic?” James asked, confused.

“It’s slang for fun or gossip,” Sirius explained. “By the way, is that yarn spilling out of your bag?”

James sheepishly looked down at his duffel bag, which wouldn’t close properly due to being stuffed to the brim. “Uh, yeah. Remus’ mom taught me how to knit a few years ago. Every time we visit, I always bring any new yarn or things I’ve made.”

Lily snorted. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone under eighty who knits.”

“Hey! I will have you know that knitting improves dexterity and memory, thank you very much,” James huffed, sticking out his tongue.

Lily rolled her eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“No, I’m just in love with you,” James said, winking. 

Remus and Sirius both let out a bark of laughter, although it quickly turned into fake coughing when Lily shot them a look.

“Alright, lads, we should probably get going. You said there’s going to be traffic, right?” Sirius asked, looking to Remus.

He nodded. “Yeah, although not as bad as coming into the city. We might hit a slowdown around Fairfield. Everyone has everything?”

Sirius, James, and Lily all nodded, stepping out of the apartment. Once the door was locked, the group made their way down to the apartment’s parking garage. There, they located James’ run down Dodge Colt.

“Who’s sitting where?” Lily asked, eyeing the car suspiciously.

“Lily, why don’t you sit up front with James?” Sirius suggested.

She glared at him, although there was a slight smile crossing her face. “Fine.”

The four of them climbed into the car and Remus became painfully aware of how small the backseat was. He was so close to Sirius that he could smell him - cinnamon and pine. Sirius caught him staring and offered him a small smile. He returned it, his cheeks growing warm.

“Alright, kiddos, what do you want to listen to?” James asked, pulling out of the parking garage and into the cool, misty morning.

“Radio?” Lily suggested, and they all agreed.

“Raspberry Beret” by Prince blasted through the crackling stereo. Lily cranked her window down, hollering the lyrics. Passersby wandering along the sloped sidewalks stared at her, although she didn’t seem to mind. James immediately joined in, as did Sirius. Remus couldn’t help but smile at the off-tune singing filling the car and he eventually chimed in.

An hour into the drive, Lily turned down the radio. “So, Remus, how do you feel about Shakespeare?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “He was an awful human being, although I can’t deny that his work is brilliant. The thing is, though, that his personal beliefs, especially his racism, shines through in his words. I’m thinking particularly of ‘Othello.’ The storyline is incredible, but it’s chock-full of racism towards Othello.”

Lily hummed in agreement. “I loved him in high school. I reread my favorite works of his a few years ago and I realized just how awful they are regarding race.”

“Have you ever read ‘Oroonoko’ by Aphra Behn?” Sirius asked.

“Oh, don’t get me fucking started on Aphra Behn,” James interrupted.

Remus nodded. “I read ‘Oroonoko’ during my freshman year. It’s incredibly obvious that she was a white English woman. The fact that she describes the colonists as friends with their slaves and the Indigenous people of Surinam is fucking disgusting. Plus, she anglicized everything about Oroonoko. The only reason why he’s a hero is because he speaks perfect English and is treated like a settler. Hell, he even actively participates in slave trading.”

“I gave it a read when I first started working at A Marauder’s Tale. Never again. It was a fucking joke. I don’t care if Behn was the first woman to earn a living as an author,” Sirius huffed.

The conversation eventually dissolved and the rest of the drive went by fairly quickly. They arrived at Remus’ house at ten o’clock. Warm golden hills surrounded the area, and the sky was a bright cobalt blue. The house was nestled on the side of a country road, surrounded by acres of farms. James parked on the gravel driveway and the four of them climbed out of the car. The familiar blast of heat hit Remus and he suddenly remembered his hatred for the inland weather. Despite it being September, it was well into the hundreds.

“Shit, it’s hot as hell. It must be at least 42 degrees,” Sirius muttered, airing out the collar of his t-shirt.

“There’s a reason why I moved to the Bay Area,” Remus said, snorting.

They walked towards the door and Remus rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, a petite woman with a silver pixie cut and purple glasses opened the door. Remus immediately enveloped her in a hug.

“Hi, Mom. It’s so good to see you,” he said.

Hope pulled back, grinning as she squished James in a tight hold. “I’m so glad you’re both home. Now, are you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Oh, right. Mom, this is Lily and Sirius. Guys, this is my mom, Hope,” Remus said.

Hope shook their hands. “It’s lovely to meet you both. Any friend of Remus and James is a friend of mine. Please, come on in.”

The five of them stepped into the house, which was blasting with air conditioning. Hope led them to the family room, where Remus’ dad was sitting on the couch. He was a tall, heavy man with Remus’ large nose, big glasses with a bar across the top, and stark white hair. When he saw the group of four, he stood up and pulled Remus and James into a hug at the same time.

“Boys! So glad to see you!” Lyall said,

Remus beamed, letting go of his dad. “This is Sirius and Lily, by the way.”

Without hesitating, Lyall briefly hugged Sirius and Lily. “So nice to meet you!”

“Lyall, babe, let the kids breathe. Can I get you guys anything? Water? Lemonade?” Hope asked. 

Everyone declined.

James sat in between Lyall and Hope on the couch. “Hope, I’ve got tons of yarn to show you!”

Hope ruffled his hair. “I bet you do.”

While James busied himself with digging scanes of yarn out of the duffle bag, Lyall turned to Remus, Sirius, and Lily. “So, Lily, Sirius, Remus tells me you’re both graduate students.   
What are you studying?”

“I’m doing history,” Sirius said.

Lily cleared her throat. “And I’m doing art history.”

“Ah, both excellent choices. You know, I took a couple classes from Wayne Thiebaud in college. They were incredible,” Lyall said, smiling.

“Oh, I love Thiebaud!” Lily beamed.

While Sirius and Lily both became heavily invested in discussing art with Lyall, Remus looked around the room. He felt a warmness spreading throughout his chest. He couldn’t believe that all of the people he loved most in the world were gathered in a single room, growing close to one another. It was all rather surreal.

The people he loved … Sirius. He loved Sirius.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of homophobia

“So, Sirius, am I correct in saying that you’re all the way from Ireland?” Hope asked as she went about the dining table, serving salad on everybody’s plate. 

Remus looked to Sirius, his heart pounding. Having realized only a few hours ago that he loved Sirius, everything was beginning to make a bit more sense to him.

Sirius let out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, yeah. I am.”

“That’s pretty exciting! What brought you here, of all places?” Hope asked, taking a seat at one of the table's ends.

“Well, I didn’t exactly have a pleasant home life. I was kicked out for being gay. Then, when it came time for college, I decided to go as far away from my country as I could. As much as I love Ireland, it brings too much heartache. I chose San Francisco because it’s known for being such a liberal city and that’s exactly what I need,” Sirius explained softly.

Lyall let out a long sigh, taking off his glasses to clean them. “You know, I really don’t understand how some people can be so closed-minded.”

Hope nodded in agreement. “Sirius, honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You’re obviously a very brave and courageous individual, and I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I know Lyall and I only just met you but I’d like you to know that you always have a place at our table.”

Sirius broke in a wide grin. “Wow — I, uh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. And that goes for you too, Lily. You’re always welcome here,” Hope said, turning to Lily.

“Thank you,” Lily said, smiling warmly.

“Always. Now, let’s eat, shall we?” Hope said.

Intimate chatter filled the dining room as everyone dug into their dinners. Remus, who was sitting next to Sirius, was blatantly aware of his presence. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Sirius make small talk with Lyall. On Remus’ other side, Hope was immersed in a deep conversation with both James and Lily, who were sitting opposite him.

Time managed to slip by completely undetected. Before Remus knew it, dinner was over and they had retired back to the living room. Dim amber light from the floor lamp flickered across the walls as the sky outside shifted from a creamy orange to a pale pink. The sliding back door was open and Remus could smell the heat-stained straws and grasses coming in through the screen. Although he absolutely despised the heat, he couldn’t help but feel a deep love for inland summer sunsets.

“Remus, want to start thinking about heading home? I’ve got class at eight tomorrow,” James said from across the room, skeins of pastel grey merino wool draped across his lap. 

Hope, who was seated next to him, had her own collection of new yarn surrounding her.

Remus nodded. “Yeah, sounds good. Sirius, Lily, ready to go?”

“Sure,” Sirius said from next to Remus.

“Yep. I’ve got any early class too,” Lily chimed in.

"Oh, you've got an early class? I could walk you to it!" James said, a broad smile spreading across his face.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Keep dreaming, lover boy."

“Okay, okay. Come on," Remus said. 

He stood up, and everyone gradually followed.

“I know I’m always pestering you to visit, but I’d really love to see you again soon, sweetheart,” Hope said, wrapping Remus in a tight hug.

“I will, Mom. Don’t worry.”

Hope grinned, pulling back from the hug before turning on Remus’ friends. “And you all, please never hesitate to come visit. It was an absolute pleasure getting to know you, Lily and Sirius.”

“Likewise,” Sirius said, politely sticking out his hand. 

Instead of shaking it, Hope pulled Sirius, Lily, and James into a hug. Remus and Lyall, who were standing next to each other, grinned as they watched his friends get smothered by Hope.

“Remus,” Lyall whispered into his ear.

Remus turned to face him. “Yeah?”

“I want to take this opportunity to tell you that it’s okay to fall in love. I see the way you look at Sirius. It’s the same way that I look at your mother. Just - just give yourself permission to love. That’s all,” Lyall said, offering him a small smile as the hug broke apart.

Before Remus could respond, James was pushing him out the door and into the warm night air. From where Remus stood, he could see the black silhouettes of the rolling Vacaville hills standing tall against the dissolving sunset.

The group of them waved to Lyall and Hope, who were standing in the doorway, as James turned around and sped down the gravel driveway. A content, sleepy quietness filled the car. Once they reached the 80, Lily turned on the radio. Elton John’s “Your Song” began to play and Remus closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the headrest.  
A few minutes later, he heard a clicking sound. He peeled one eye open and saw that Sirius had unbuckled his seatbelt and was moving from behind James to the middle seat.  
As he rebuckled himself, Sirius asked, “is it okay if I lay on you? I’m exhausted.”

He nodded and Sirius curled into him, tucking his head onto Remus’ chest. Remus let out a deep sigh, remembering his father’s words. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Sirius, who snuggled deeper into him. Up front, James and Lily were quietly laughing with each other.

Right when Remus thought that Sirius had fallen asleep, he opened his eyes. “Remus, you have a lovely family.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Remus said.

“Do you think they liked me?” Sirius asked.

Remus let out a soft laugh. “I know they loved you. Hell, you’ve probably just become their favorite child.”

Sirius snorted. “Well, that’s good to hear.”

“Did you have a good time tonight? Was it nice?” Remus asked in a hushed voice.

“Yeah, it was lovely. I can’t remember the last time I felt so comfortable in a house belonging to parents,” Sirius said, sighing. 

Before he could stop himself, Remus began to softly thread his left fingers through Sirius’ hair.

“That makes me so happy to hear."

They remained like that for the rest of the car ride home. Remus leaned his head against the window, watching the sun completely disappear from the sky as Sirius’ even breathing turned into light snores. As they passed the turnoff for Jameson Canyon, everything had gone an inky black and silver stars dusted the sky. Looking out at the silent night, Remus couldn’t help but wonder if the man sleeping on his chest loved him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw: discussion of physical abuse
> 
> Also, disclaimer about Sirius hitting Regulus a few times as a child: this is based off of someone I'm very close to. She hit her siblings when she was younger on a few occasions, and it was because she grew up in such an abusive household that she didn't know any better. When she got to be around 10/11, she realized that it was wrong and immediately stopped. My intentions aren't to dismiss Regulus and what he went through because of it, but instead acknowledge that this happens sometimes when kids are raised in physically abusive households. They are simply mirroring what their parents are doing. With Sirius, what matters is that he recognizes and acknowledges that what he did as a child was wrong and harmful, and he was able to learn from it and grow into a non-abusive adult.

Before Remus knew it, days were turning into weeks, and weeks were turning into months. In the blink of an eye, September had dissolved into March and midterms were rapidly approaching.

In the span of six months, Remus had only managed to grow closer to Sirius. They often found themselves eating lunch together at Potions and Bites, a cafe on campus that sat conveniently near both of their afternoon classes. And when Sirius was busy working, Remus would join him, browsing the ever-filling shelves of books in A Marauder’s Tale while Sirius tended to stocking the shelves, assisting customers, and manning the cash register. 

On the afternoon of March 3rd, Remus was hunched over the desk in his bedroom, his bloodshot eyes burning from lack of sleep. He stared at the stack of paper in front of him, the words on the pages bleeding into one another. The more he read his essay, the more the meaning of everything became one large pile of mush. 

“Alright?” 

Remus jumped, turning around only to find Sirius smiling at him. The sight of his lopsided grin immediately brought a warmth to Remus' heart, instantly giving him a moment of relief.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I suppose. I’ve been working on this fucking essay since eight last night and it just won’t cooperate. I need to have it in by tomorrow morning and I honestly don’t know if I’m going to get it done.”

Sirius perched on the edge of his bed, running a hand through his hair. “You look exhausted. Why don’t you take a break and come back to it?”

“Because I’d ideally like to have it done by tonight, if possible,” Remus said.

“What do you have left to do?” Sirius asked, frowning.

“My final point and then the conclusion. I also need to proofread it but at this point, I’m more concerned about just getting it done,” Remus said. 

“Right,” Sirius said, standing up and dragging Remus off of the chair, “you and I are going to take a little break.”

Remus groaned. “I can’t afford to!”

Sirius stopped tugging at him and he arched an eyebrow. “Remus, you really don’t want to argue with me right now. I’ll call in James if I need to, and you know how grumpy he gets when we interrupt his snogging sessions with Lily.”

“How are they making out already? Didn’t you literally just get here?” Remus asked.

Sirius snorted. “You know how they are. A month into their relationship, and they can’t keep their hands off each other. James kicked me out of the living room as soon as we arrived, hence my reason for bothering you. Although, by the looks of it, you need a bit of bothering right now.”

Remus let out a soft chuckle. “If I were to take a break, hypothetically, what would we do?”

“Hmm. Well, how does a walk sound?” Sirius asked.

“Perfect,” Remus said, his face breaking into a smile.

After Remus quickly organized the stack of papers on his desk, he and Sirius snuck out of his bedroom and into the living room. He grimaced, receiving a full-on view of James sticking his tongue down Lily’s throat. Ever since James had asked her out at the beginning of February, the two of them had become completely inseparable. James was even teaching Lily how to knit. Their relationship was surprisingly natural and nothing felt out of place, except for the making out, that was.

Sirius cracked open the front door and they slipped out of the apartment and into the cool afternoon air. The sky was a vivid blue and puffy white clouds drifted across the sun. As they made their way down Turk Street, Remus wanted nothing more than to take Sirius’ hand in his own. However, he refrained from acting on such an impulse. As the months since his realization about his love for Sirius had passed, he had learned to stifle his feelings. 

“So,” Sirius began, letting out a long sigh. “How have your allergies and eczema been?”

At the mention of his health issues, Remus blanched. Ever since the incident at Sirius and Lily’s apartment, Sirius had made a point of checking on Remus’ wellbeing. There was still an uncomfortableness in discussing such things, but it was something he was slowly getting used to.

“The patch of eczema on my knee has been pretty bad lately. I think I’ve been itching in my sleep because I keep waking up with blood and skin under my fingernails,” he explained, pointedly avoiding eye contact.

“Shit, I’m sorry. What about your other patches?” Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. “Fine, I think. My face has been really dry but that’s nothing new.”

“Is there a cream you can use to help with the dryness on your face?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, I use Gold Bond lotion but it only does so much. I might as well just dunk myself in vaseline at this point,” Remus said sarcastically.

“That sounds miserable.”

“It is.”

A comfortable silence fell over the two of them as they headed towards Japantown. A few seagulls coasted through the clouds overhead and the smell of bay’s salt water drifted across the city. Remus, watching the thick lines of traffic move inch by inch, wondered if they were just wandering, or if Sirius had a specific destination in mind. Eventually running out of thoughts, he broke the silence.

“Do you ever intend on visiting home?” he asked.

Sirius, clearly caught off guard by the question, sighed. “I don’t know, to be honest. I — I love Ireland, I really do. The thing is, though, that if I went home, I’d feel as though I had to visit my family and I just can’t do that. Not right now, anyway.”

“Are you scared of your parents?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, I guess I am. I was hit a lot as a child, much more so than my little brother. Anytime he got in trouble, I would step in and take the hits for him. I remember my mother used to chase me around the kitchen with a wooden spoon. One time, my granny had to stop her from throwing a ceramic mug at my face. In general, though, she tried to avoid hitting any part of me that could be seen. And my dad … well, he’s a pretty quiet lad, so he follows my mom’s orders to a tee. She was always the one to initiate the yelling and the hitting and he would follow,” Sirius said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Fuck,” Remus muttered, anger welling up inside his chest. “I just don’t understand how someone could do that to their child, well, to anyone, really.”

“Yeah. It’s … it’s complicated. I’m afraid of having kids because of it, to be honest. I’m worried I’ll lose my temper at some point and my first instinct will be to hit them,” Sirius said, averting eye contact.

Remus grabbed Sirius’ arm, forcing him to stop walking. “Sirius, you aren’t your mom. You’re not like that. I know you’d never hurt anyone, especially your children.”

“I used to hit Regulus as a child. I’d use a coat hanger on him when he did something bad, or whenever I got angry,” Sirius said.

Remus took Sirius’ chin in his hand, tilting his head so that their eyes met. “I'm not excusing what you did, but that makes sense. You probably didn’t know any better and were just mirroring what was done to you. It’s not your fault, especially since you were a child. Plus, you've realized that what you did was wrong.”

A few swollen tears rolled down Sirius’ cheeks and he took in a shaky breath. “I know you’re probably right, but I can’t help but feel as though I’m the same as my parents.”

Gently, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius. “I know, Sirius. I know. You’re not, though. You’ve got to trust me on this. You’re not a bad person, and you’re not going to hurt anyone. I trust you. All you have to do now is trust yourself.”

Without a word, Sirius nodded into Remus’ shoulder. They stood there, on the empty sidewalk, for quite a while, simply taking in the afternoon.


	10. Chapter 10

Remus miraculously managed to turn his essay in on time, although the relief was all but none as he immediately began to prepare for his Shakespeare midterm, which happened to land on his birthday. 

By the time the morning of March 10th rolled around, Remus had an aching headache and his eyes were sore from days upon days of reading his textbook full of incredibly fine print. As he sat up in bed, wanting nothing more than for the alarm clock to be wrong, the fact that it was his birthday escaped his mind entirely. 

He pulled on a pair of ripped jeans, which may or may not have been clean, and a loose, red and navy blue, striped, collared shirt. After hastily putting on socks and shoes, he darted into the bathroom. His wavy brown hair was sticking up in peculiar angles and the skin on his forehead, nose, and cheeks was flaking off in layers. He let out an audible groan as he turned on the faucet, cupping some water onto his hair in an attempt to smooth it down. Once he had rubbed Gold Bond lotion into his dry skin, he dashed into his bedroom and grabbed his backpack. 

After making sure he had everything for class, including sharpened number two pencils and his annotated notes, he wandered into the living room. James was in a stupor, absently munching on Cheerios as he flipped through his statistics textbook. He was still in his pajamas, causing Remus to conclude that he, indeed, did not know what time it was. 

“Jamie, don’t you have class in forty minutes?” Remus asked as he wandered towards the door.

James blinked up at him, a look of terror crossing his face. “What time is it?”

“It’s,” Remus began, looking down at his wristwatch, “eight o’clock.”

“Oh, fuck,” James murmured, slamming his textbook closed as he leapt off the couch. “I need to go. I don’t even think I've got time to change!”

“Doesn’t matter. No one will notice. Just grab your shit and go,” Remus said, frowning as he watched his friend stuff papers, loose pencils and pens, and the textbook into his backpack. 

“You’re right. Okay, let’s see. I’ve got my notes, pencils, textbook … Oh! Remus, happy birthday!” James said, his face breaking into a wide smile.

Remus blinked in surprise. “Oh, thanks. I’d honestly completely forgotten.”

“We’ll celebrate once we all get home, okay?” James asked, pushing up his glasses.

“Sounds good. I really gotta go. See you later. Good luck!” Remus said, offering James a small wave before he disappeared out the door. 

As soon as he exited the apartment complex, he was met with a sight for sore eyes. Sirius was sitting on his motorcycle, hair tied back in a loose ponytail, waiting for him. As soon as their eyes met, Sirius grinned.

“It’s the birthday boy! How does it feel to be twenty-five, old man?” Sirius asked, handing Remus his helmet as he climbed onto the motorcycle.

Remus let out a bark of laughter. “You do realize you’re older than me, right?”

“Little details, Remus, little details. You all settled in?”

“Yep.”

“Alright. Hold on!”

Sirius steered the motorcycle out into the street, weaving in between early morning traffic. The sky was a pale blue, and hints of sunshine were hitting the peaks of skyscrapers on either side of them. Although there was a wind, it wasn’t particularly biting. Instead, the day appeared as though it was going to be quite mild. 

“So, I presume you and Lils are coming over later?” Remus asked halfway through their ride to San Francisco State. 

“That’s the plan. I think James and Lily are picking up the cake after they finish up their midterms, and I’ve been charged with decorating your apartment,” Sirius said, checking over his shoulder before merging into the next lane.

“Sounds good. Do you want me to go somewhere else while you decorate the apartment?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, probably. Why don’t you go to my apartment? That way I can call you when you’re allowed to come back,” Sirius said.

“Perfect. By the way, what midterm do you have today?” Remus asked.

Sirius sighed. “Hellenistic Greece, although it shouldn’t be too hard. I could write an essay on the first Diadochi War in my sleep.”

Remus snorted. “I bet you could.”

“Are you nervous for your midterm today?” Sirius asked. 

“Sort of? I’m less concerned with my actual skills and knowledge and more concerned with the fact that my professor has a shitty grading system,” Remus explained.

“Right.”

“Exactly.”

By the time they made it to campus, the sun had risen a significant amount in the sky. Sirius pulled up in front of the cluster of English department buildings, and Remus quickly took off his helmet before gathering his things. Just as he was about to leave, Sirius dug a keyring out of his back pocket, tossing it to Remus.

“For my apartment. I’ll give you a ring when we’re done setting everything up,” Sirius said, smirking.

“Thanks. Good luck,” Remus said.

“Good luck, birthday boy! Think of me.”

As Remus wandered towards his classroom, he could hear Sirius peeling out of the parking lot. Immediately feeling his absence, Remus let out a long sigh, wanting nothing more than to be at Ghirardelli with him.

Once he reached the classroom, he settled into his desk at the back. The minutes ticked by and the classroom rapidly began to fill with students. When the clock struck nine, the exam began.

Remus stared at the blank piece of lined paper in front of him as he racked his mind for compelling arguments he could use to demonstrate the corruptness in Shakespeare’s   
“Othello.” He thought back to the conversation he'd had with Sirius, James, and Lily on the drive to Vacaville all those months ago. Suddenly, with an idea in mind, his pencil hit the paper.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand, it's done! Ahh, I can't believe it's over! Thank you so much for all of the amazing kudos, comments, and support on the way. I'm so glad I was able to share this story with you all.
> 
> By the way, I'm planning on making this into a series, so this isn't a final goodbye ;)

The day flew by at a rapid pace. Before Remus knew it, James and Lily had picked up the cake and Sirius had finished decorating. Now, as he wandered up the stairs to his apartment, exhaustion hit him. The past week had been filled with nothing but studying and it appeared to finally be catching up with him. As he reached the top of the steps, he stifled a yawn. He could hear chattering and laughter on the other side of the door. 

“James, stop eating the frosting!” Lily yelled.

“He won’t care!” James said defiantly.

Sirius snorted. “Considering how Remus feels about sugar, I highly doubt that.”

Smiling, Remus pushed open the door. There, he was met with a sight that immediately warmed his heart. Rainbow streamers hung from the ceiling, dipping in elegant waves. Around the room were clusters of bright balloons tied together, and a large chocolate cake sat in the middle of the round table that sat in between the kitchen and the living room. James had his arm around Lily, who was beaming at Remus, and Sirius stood next to them with a grin on his face.

“Happy birthday!” the three of them yelled, and Remus could feel his cheeks burning.

“Thanks, guys,” he said sheepishly, closing the door behind him.

“Let’s celebrate, shall we?” Sirius asked, stepping forward and holding out his hand. 

Remus grabbed it. “Let’s.”

As the deep afternoon light faded into evening, the four of them ate cake and reminisced about the first time they met one another. Looking around the room, Remus felt as though nothing could possibly be better.

After opening Lily and James’ joint present, which was a package of three disposable cameras and several rolls of film for his Nikon, Sirius cleared his throat.

“So, for my present, I kind of need you to open it in private,” he said softly.

Remus nodded. “Okay, sure. Let’s go to my bedroom.”

Leaving James and Lily to makeout, he and Sirius left the living room and wandered down the hall, entering his bedroom. There, he perched on the edge of his bed and Sirius did the same, two wrapped packages in hand.

“Open this one first,” Sirius said, handing him one of the presents.

Wordlessly, Remus slowly began to peel back the wrapping paper. When he realized what he was holding, he laughed in disbelief. 

“Where the hell did you find this?” he asked, staring at the signed, limited edition of “The Princess Bride” sitting on his lap.

“I asked around A Marauder’s Tale. One of my coworkers happened to know of a bookstore across town that was carrying a few of these,” Sirius said. 

“God, I … thank you, Sirius,” Remus said, smiling softly at him.

Sirius let out a huff of laughter. “It was no problem. Really. Now, go on and open your other present.”

Taking the next present from Sirius, Remus began to unwrap it. Suddenly, he found himself looking at a framed photograph of Sirius and himself. They were laughing next to each other on the couch, huge smiles plastered across their faces. Remus immediately recognized the moment in which it had been taken. On a cold night in January, Sirius and Lily had come over to his and James’ apartment for a night of board games and take out. While playing Monopoly, Remus had managed to build a hotel on every property he owned. The photograph showed the second in which Sirius realized he had gone completely bankrupt at the hands of Remus’ hotels. 

“James took this, didn’t he?” Remus asked, smiling down at the photograph.

“Yeah, he did,” Sirius said.

“I love it, Sirius. I truly do,” Remus said, looking up at him.

Sirius let out a heavy sigh. “I’m glad. I wanted you to have a photo of just the two of us because …”

Once Sirius’ voice trailed off, Remus knit his eyebrows together. “Because why, Sirius?”

Without looking Remus in the eye, Sirius softly took his hand. “Because I’m in love with you, you eejit.”

Remus blinked, trying to process Sirius’ words. “You’re in love with me?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. I have been since the moment we first met in A Marauder’s Tale. I understand if the feeling isn’t mutual. Hell, I wasn’t even planning on telling you. I just … well, I hope I didn’t ruin our friendship.”

Remus gently set the photograph on his bedside table. Then, he cupped Sirius’ chin with his hand, forcing him to look up. Sirius’ eyes were watering, causing Remus’ heart to ache. 

“I love you too,” he whispered.

“You … You what?” Sirius asked, a look of confusion crossing his face.

“I love you too, Sirius. I love you far more than you could ever imagine,” Remus said.

“Are you being serious?” Sirius asked, several tears staining his cheeks.

Instead of answering, Remus leaned forward, pressing their lips together. The kiss was gentle and quiet, and Remus could taste the saltiness of Sirius’ tears. Or, perhaps they were his own, as he could now feel hot tears spilling down his face. Despite them both crying, they didn’t break the kiss. Instead, it deepened, dissolving into something that had been well needed for quite some time.

By the time they broke apart, both of their lips were swollen and Remus was slightly out of breath. As they looked at each other, Remus tucked a stray strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear.

“I come with a lot of baggage. You know that, don’t you?” Sirius asked softly.

“I know and I’ll do my best to help you carry it,” Remus said.

“Are you sure you want a future with me? You’d never have in-laws of any kind. I can’t even promise that I’d tell my parents about you,” Sirius said.

Remus sighed, wiping a stray tear from his jawline. “It doesn’t matter to me whether your family is aware of our relationship or not. I just want you.”

“Really?” Sirius asked.

“Really.”

“Okay. Happy birthday, Remus.”

Without another word, Sirius pressed their lips together once more.


End file.
